WHY IS HE GONE?
The question pounding in his head. Slamming itself repeatedly against his consciousness in an endless rage. It took a while to build to this fervor. How long? Unknown. Time, minutes, hours, days, seconds, eons, these are meaningless concepts either beyond Cruor’s comprehension or unworthy of his consideration.
There are only two times. The time when the Doctor is HERE and the time when he is GONE and the space between them is irrelevant. It is merely the binary condition in which Cruor exists. HERE or GONE, GONE or HERE. And currently he is GONE and has been GONE longer than any other period of GONE that Cruor can remember. GONE is okay when it isn’t too long before HERE. There exercises, there are foodstuff videos. There are game to play. But GONE is not as good as HERE.
WHERE IS HE?
The time drags on beyond all bearable lengths. Nothing can keep the thoughts out of his head, nothing can drive back the pounding emptiness that echos through all of his being. His entire world has been cut in half, there is no balance anymore.
At first he had kept up his training. He did the exercises and the routines. It is not good enough to be strong, the doctor said, he had to be able to bend and climb and jump and move. Cruor did not understand, but he did what he was told. Ever since the Doctor brought him HOME training had been better. There were no more punishments for failure. But it was not the same without him here. It was empty. Everything was empty. Even watching the funny videos of the food stuffs was no longer amusing. Just empty. He watched other videos, listened to music, but it was all just empty.
WHERE HAS HE GONE?
He thinks about going outside. But the Doctor told him not to ever go outside. They wouldn’t understand, they would be afraid, they would laugh. They never understood the Doctor said. They always laughed. The Doctor looked sad. So he couldn’t go outside, but he could look for the Doctor on the computer. He could search for the Doctor. He knew the Doctor, he knew more than the Doctor thought he knew. The Doctor liked to talk to him, he thought Cruor didn’t understand, but Cruor understood more than the Doctor knew.
HE FOUND HIM! The Doctor was not gone! The Doctor was in the paper, it said the Doctor was a great man! The Doctor was dead!
What is dead?
Cruor searched more. Many videos. Many movies. No… this can’t be…
DEAD IS BAD! DEAD IS WORSE THAN GONE!
How is he DEAD? Why is he DEAD?
He is not allowed to be DEAD!
THE LEGION! That is where the Doctor was when he was GONE! That is where the Doctor was when HE BECAME DEAD! It is THEIR FAULT he is DEAD! THEY MADE HIM DEAD! THEY MADE HIM GONE FOREVER!
They would need to be DEAD too! HE would MAKE them DEAD! The Doctor would want that.
The directions to the Legion are easy enough. But it is OUTSIDE. The Doctor said he can never go OUTSIDE. But the Doctor isn’t HERE. The Doctor is GONE. The Doctor is DEAD. The Doctor is GONE FOREVER. Cruor will have to think for Cruor now, the Doctor isn’t here to tell him what to do. Cruor will make them DEAD too, and then Cruor will look for others who need to be GONE FOREVER.
He finds an old long raincoat and a baseball cap. They won’t understand. They will laugh. He will hide his face so they don’t laugh. He looks back at HOME and then takes a step outside and into the sunlight for the first time.